How Not to Dry Your Socks

Hey team. It’s night number four- it’s 45 degrees inside my tent (I can see my breath), AT&T is granting me 3 seconds of service per hour, and I just pooped in a privy. If that’s not the perfect equation for a trail update- I don’t know what is.

I’m going to keep it brief because typing on my iPhone prompts intense Zach rage and it even more so it requires me to have my torso outside of my sleeping bag (AKA my anti-hypothermia zone).

Lots of trail info to share- but only two quick notes for you today.

1 – So on the AT it’s very customary that you are granted a “trail name”. John got his on day 2, Whoop. When he passes people he makes a high pitched, Chris Berman-esque, “WHHOOOOP” sound to notify others of his presence. I get to hear this several times a day. The best part about this is that he introduces himself as the actual sound effect instead of the word. This is what transpires during almost every introduction:

x 4 more times
“With a “P””
“Oh. Hi Whoop.”

As for me, I decided to go a bit more incognito: “Badger”. “the Good Badger” got Zach and John a bunch of sweet gear- I figured I’d be doing a disservice going in any other direction. I already met a lady, Emily from Maui, who’s a fan of the Good Badger (she was impressed by my ability to bear proof tents). Emily doesn’t have a trail name yet so if you guys can come up with something based on the complete lack of information I’ve provided- she would be immensely grateful.

2 – Last night we got into a small crossing town and decided to treat ourselves to a night of luxury by sleeping 5 people inside a 2 bed cabin. Honestly- I’ve never appreciated the little things more – ever, ever, ever. Last night’s hot shower was the most satisfying 8 minutes of my life (yes, I’ve considered everything).

But I digress….

We had free laundry service (Blood Mountain Cabins are amazing). Apparently I was too excited to get back into clean clothes because when I went to pick up my laundry, my socks were not yet dry. I had been walking around in sweaty, dirty socks the previous 3 days- so I was okay taking them back slightly damp as long as they were clean…

The next morning- the socks are still damp (apparently 35 degrees and darkness makes for bad drying conditions). In need of getting ready to prep for the day’s 11 mile hike- I consult my Seinfeld problem solving skills database and decide to toss them in the oven for a minute at the lowest possible heat.

I step into the bathroom to quickly take advantage of a not freezing cold toilet seat and the smell of a weeks worth of camper feces, and by the time I get out, there’s smoke coming from the oven. This is the result…


Today’s lesson is that Hi-Tec socks are no match for a Low-Tec brain.

I will have some actual AT related content for you in the next post…

Oh by the way- this trail thing kicks a whole lot of ass.

  • I love Blood Mountain everything.

    I do not love the fact that I missed out on meeting le badger bonne in real life 🙁

    Happy travels on the trail! Be safe!

  • Bridges

    Pineapple is always a good name for a Hawaiian. (even though the pineapple is not indigenous to the islands of Hawaii). Piña for the short Spanish version (careful because pene means penis).

  • Bridges

    ps. you’re an idiot for burning your socks in an oven.

  • Kelsie

    I’m excited that you’re still posting things; it adds some entertainment value to my day.

    P.S. Emily from Maui- nickname = Emaui ? Might make everyone sound like the bishop with the speech impedement from Princess Bride, but should be slightly better than Whooooooooooooooop, so she should be content with it. I love how my P.S. is way longer than my original message.

  • Carlwc75

    How about for Emily “I am Impressed.” Enjoying your post. My dog and I will be out there soon getting a late start.

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