appalachian trail tag

The Worst City to Live in Prior to Hiking the Appalachian Trail

3.31.11

Answer: San Diego

Remember that time I thought Low Gap was cold? That night the temperature got down to 28 degrees (obviously Fahrenheit, Centigrade can suck it). Cold enough to have me in my sleeping bag by 7:30pm. Cold enough to frost my rain fly. Cold enough to make sleeping as unlikely as being at a Gilbert Godfrey book reading.

Compared to tonight- however- merely a mild chill. It’s 7:40pm at Cold Spring Shelter – and already the temperature is down to 33 degrees. There’s a total of 12 people in the shelter’s vicinity and exactly zero of them are not within three feet of the oversized fire or tucked in their sleeping bags. I opted for the latter- I’m a comfy bastard like that.

And of the ~2,000 people on the trail this year, no one is more ill equipped than Whoop and Badger.

Previous to my 2.5 year San Diego stay- I did 18 in the upper Midwest . Anything over 50 degrees was shorts weather (fact). San Diego has turned me into a softy. And I’m not alone- 63 degrees in San Diego translates to a sweatshirt and pants for anyone aside from tourists (cargo shorts are a double giveaway). My acceptable temperature window narrowed to a range of 68 – 76; 77 was too hot, 67, too cold.

Now I’m living in an environment where you can experience four season in 48 hours.

4.1.11

Mother nature pulled a great April Fools Joke on us. Last night’s low got down to 14. Suck. It.

You may be wondering what one wears in weather like that..?

Everything.

Every damn article of clothing in my pack was on my frosty body. Then the procedure calls to wrap your mummy bag around your head and eagerly await sunrise so the idea of unthawing can start to replace all of the four letter words working their way through your brain.

Silver Lining #1: the extra level of chill didn’t actually seem worse than the Low Gap frost. I think I’m shedding my San Diego skin (that’s good because my Wisconsin skin is made of beer, cheese, and brats- a much better insulator).

Silver Lining #2: Hiking in snow is pretty badass.

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From the Low Gap Lows to the Hiawassee Highs

3.25.2011

It’s late afternoon of day # 4

We stroll into Low Gap Shelter after a beautiful 13-mile hike. To this point, all hiking has been done in shorts and t-shirt. I have what could be considered the ginger version of a tan. After four consecutive days of averaging 10 miles up and down strenuous terrain with 35 lbs on my back – I feel surprisingly fresh. I have zero blisters (Hi-Tec FTW). Nature and I are doing a mental love tango. I’m smiling unconditionally.

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A day-walker "tan"

Life is good.

Then, just prior to dusk, comes the cold front. After a hurried dinner (pasta + spices = barf) due to not being able to secure a spot close enough to the fire, I’m in my tent by 7:00pm because my Euerka sleeping bag (the anti-hypothermia zone) is the only place where I can retain feeling to my appendages. I can see my breath from inside of my bedroom – and the sun has not yet set. It’s going to be that sort of a night.

Although my body is fatigued enough to induce slumber, the repetitive intake of dry ice is less than conducive for rest. Finally I secure a spot that allows from momentary bouts of sleep: sleeping bag wrapped around my head with a 1-inch gap to let oxygen in, face down to let my breath reflect off of my sleeping pad and let the warm air back onto my face.

Life blows.

3.26.2011

After a night of 15-minute naps which accumulated to maybe three hours of sleep, I am confronted with the task of getting out of my sleeping bag to put on slightly damp hiking clothes to prepare for the 15 miles that lay ahead of us for the day. I go from really effing cold to outer space cold when I enter into my layer of stanky wet clothes and my only pair of hiking socks (because I’m dumb) (don’t worry Mom, more are on their way). Although this might sound horrible to the inexperienced backpacker, this is actually good news since the ensuing physical activity is my only escape from the bone chill I’ve been battling the previous 10 hours. I make extra effort to ignore the fact that my rain fly is covered in frost, quickly and sloppily pack up my belongings, and get started with my day.

It only took about 30 minutes of hiking before I’m out of my John Candy hat – and back into my natural state – shorts. Fifteen miles to Tray Mountain Shelter was -again- easier and far more enjoyable than I had imagined. When you enjoy the process it’s not work. My “job” is to walk through the United States’ oldest mountain range. Compared to most, what I’m doing, again, is not work.

Good Badger in John Candy Hat

Good Badger in John Candy Hat

The campsite at Tray Mountain is positioned at the mountain’s summit. The view from my tent overlooks undulating terrain a hundred miles to the east. Although, a little chilly (maybe 50 degrees) the air is completely still – it’s either the most peaceful night we’ve experienced yet, or it’s the calm before the storm.

There's no way a picture could do justice to my bedtime view

3.27.2011

Turns out it was the calm before the storm.

Whoop and Badger have 11 miles to our next destination, Dick’s Creek Gap, before we can hitch a ride into the closest town, Hiawassee, to shack up in a hiker hostel for the night. Relative to the previous days, we had anticipated 11 miles to fly by. What we didn’t account for was 1) it being the most intense up and downhill to date, and 2) a downpour, 40 windy degrees, and of course a lightning storm.

Now I don’t have waterproof pants because most of my wet days will be in Virginia where it’s 50-60 degrees and raining. Doing that in full waterproof gear doesn’t allow for heat to escape your body. Essentially you turn into a self-sustaining sauna. On a day like this, however, staying dry would have been a nothing short of glorious. On the uphills, although I can feel my body roasting from the inside, the outside is freezing – I can’t tell what I am. The downhill is cold- only cold. There’s a puddle in each of my boots. I can both hear and feel the heavy slosh with each and every step. I use my Tech4o Trail Leader to give me an indication of how far away I am from the 11-mile mark, but the slippery terrain and increased slopes have done serious detriment to my pace. I stopped one time to urinate, and immediately regretted not using the warm fluid on my own body (just kidding- not really). Just one day ago the miles were flying by. Today, barely creeping.

Finally, after the longest four hour hike of my life – we arrive at Dick’s Creek Gap where we can now finally call the nearest hostel to come pick our miserable asses up.

One problem – turns out there’s no cell service (Hiawassee is 10 miles to the east). Shit. It’s okay though, we’ll hitch into town. Although we have yet to attempt this, everyone has assured us it’s easy as can be.

Problem number two. A group of hikers who had just come in from Hiawassee inform us that all of the hostel and inn rooms are booked out through Monday. Turns out this is the busiest year on the Appalachian Trail to date (I’m assuming this is because everyone was inspired by my AT prep videos), and that no one wants to be outside in cold + rain. The perfect storm for being stranded in a storm.

Whoop and Badger, share the same mindset at this point, “ehhh, fuck it. Let’s give it a shot.” Within 5 minutes, a “trail angel” (a person who delivers “trail magic” – more explanation in a future post), offers us a ride to the Hiawassee Inn – a hiker friendly, low-rate motel. Totally booked. The Holiday Inn is booked solid too. The gentleman at the office desk suggests to give the Ramada a shot. We do. They have two rooms left. At this point our hands look like blueberries in yogurt – stark white with tiny spots of blue. “YEAH, YES, YA WE’LL TAKE IT.”

[This is where I would insert a picture of our miserableness – but I was far too busy expending all of my energy on staying warm and hate.]

We get to our room, dump our muddy crap all over the bathroom and carpet (sorry Ramada), and take a second of silence to appreciate something we haven’t had in almost 24 hours – warmth. I thought the previous hot shower was the best of my life, I was way off. This one was at least a googol (foreshadowing much) times better. The shower-head had eight different settings, none of which were freezing rain. There was free hot chocolate in the lobby, cable and wi-fi in our room, and cheap laundry on our floor. We called a shuttle service aptly named “Gene Shuttles” to see how much a ride to the nearest all-you-can-eat buffet (a thru-hiker staple) would be. Gene answers his cell phone:

Gene: “Hello.”
Badger: Stunned by the informal greeting, “uh, ya, hi, is this the shuttle service?”
Gene: “Oh, uh, ya, I can shuttle.”
Badger: Slightly confused, “Cool. How much would it be to Big Al’s Pizza?”
Gene: “Pizza huh? I could go for some pizza. Don’t worry about it, what time do you want me to pick you up?”
Badger: “In 30 minutes?”
Gene: “See you then.”

Turns out Gene was just a super awesome retired guy who picks up side jobs not because he needs the money, but because he’s looking for something to keep him busy. He took us out for an all you-can-eat-pizza buffet that I will never forget, gave us a brief tour of the Hiawassee, and gave us a ride to the grocery store so we could stock up on beer (the next day was Sunday, no beer sales [insert sad face]) – all for free. We got lots of beer. Too much beer.

In a 48 hour span I went from high as a kite, to a miserable cold low, back up to a high equal to Tray Mountain’s summit, back down to an even lower low, and then finally to a state of pure euphoria. Then to a free Don Williams concert – true story (people over 40 and country music fans know who this is).

This monster really is a mental roller coaster- and keep in mind this is just a 48 hour span in the first week of a half year adventure.

I’m loving every minute.

As long as you ask me at the right time.

How Not to Dry Your Socks

Hey team. It’s night number four- it’s 45 degrees inside my tent (I can see my breath), AT&T is granting me 3 seconds of service per hour, and I just pooped in a privy. If that’s not the perfect equation for a trail update- I don’t know what is.

I’m going to keep it brief because typing on my iPhone prompts intense Zach rage and it even more so it requires me to have my torso outside of my sleeping bag (AKA my anti-hypothermia zone).

Lots of trail info to share- but only two quick notes for you today.

1 – So on the AT it’s very customary that you are granted a “trail name”. John got his on day 2, Whoop. When he passes people he makes a high pitched, Chris Berman-esque, “WHHOOOOP” sound to notify others of his presence. I get to hear this several times a day. The best part about this is that he introduces himself as the actual sound effect instead of the word. This is what transpires during almost every introduction:

“I’m WHHOOOP”
“Woot?”
“No, WHHOOOOP!”
“Woot?”
x 4 more times
“With a “P””
“Oh. Hi Whoop.”

As for me, I decided to go a bit more incognito: “Badger”. “the Good Badger” got Zach and John a bunch of sweet gear- I figured I’d be doing a disservice going in any other direction. I already met a lady, Emily from Maui, who’s a fan of the Good Badger (she was impressed by my ability to bear proof tents). Emily doesn’t have a trail name yet so if you guys can come up with something based on the complete lack of information I’ve provided- she would be immensely grateful.

2 – Last night we got into a small crossing town and decided to treat ourselves to a night of luxury by sleeping 5 people inside a 2 bed cabin. Honestly- I’ve never appreciated the little things more – ever, ever, ever. Last night’s hot shower was the most satisfying 8 minutes of my life (yes, I’ve considered everything).

But I digress….

We had free laundry service (Blood Mountain Cabins are amazing). Apparently I was too excited to get back into clean clothes because when I went to pick up my laundry, my socks were not yet dry. I had been walking around in sweaty, dirty socks the previous 3 days- so I was okay taking them back slightly damp as long as they were clean…

The next morning- the socks are still damp (apparently 35 degrees and darkness makes for bad drying conditions). In need of getting ready to prep for the day’s 11 mile hike- I consult my Seinfeld problem solving skills database and decide to toss them in the oven for a minute at the lowest possible heat.

I step into the bathroom to quickly take advantage of a not freezing cold toilet seat and the smell of a weeks worth of camper feces, and by the time I get out, there’s smoke coming from the oven. This is the result…

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Today’s lesson is that Hi-Tec socks are no match for a Low-Tec brain.

I will have some actual AT related content for you in the next post…

Oh by the way- this trail thing kicks a whole lot of ass.

The First 100 Days on the Appalachian Trail

100 days on appalachian trail

My friend- Lauren Lienhard- made a very nice card wishing me good luck on the Appalachian Trail. Instead of being selfish and hogging it all to myself, I made it into a video instead.

In this video, we learn of the radical transformation the Good Badger shall go through in his first 100 days on the Appalachian Trail. From sunny skies and smiles to tears and bleeding feet, this journey of a lifetime may soon be coming to an end.

I encourage all those who haven’t already – to “like” the Good Badger Facebook page as this will serve as the main feed while Zach is on the trail.

How to Prepare for the Appalachian Trail: Drunk Q&A

how to prepare for appalachian trail drunk Q&A image

The premise for this one is pretty simple.

1) You ask questions

2) I drink

3) I answer

A big thanks to everyone who submitted questions.  I’m going to try and squeeze in one last video before I embark, so be sure to like the Good Badger on Facebook and follow me on Twitter to get in on the action for the next one.

If you’re interested in watching the longer directors cut version of this video – e-mail me at theGoodBadger[at]gmail.com.

Lastly, if you haven’t already, watch the other Appalachian Prep videos on: physical endurance, how to build a tent, and diet plan.

How to Eat Like a King on the Appalachian Trail


Nature will do all that it can to restrict your ability to eat like the rightful monarch that you are.  That’s why in this lengthy 35 second video not only do you learn how to eat like a king, but you learn what a beetle/dinosaur looks like in the process.

Just so you know eating like a king on the Appalachian Trail isn’t as easy as what’s demonstrated in this video.  This particular skill requires years of meditation and heightened beetle/dinosaur attracting skills.  I trained with a monk based out of Cincinnati, considered one of the top 4 beetle attractors in all of Western Ohio, and in that time I obtained the skills necessary for the advanced tactics you’ve just witnessed.  This video is not CGI and this beetle/dinosaur is not a paid actor, this is real life drama unfolding before your very eyes.  Some call it a miracle.  Others aren’t paying close enough attention.

I know what you’re saying to yourself: “but his beard is so rustic that it could drive a monster truck through the fiery gates of hell and not slow down as it plowed over rage infested demons.”  I agree with you.  Good point.

Fables and Fortune Hunters

The following is an excerpt from Timothy Ferriss’ The Four Hour Work Week, a book very instrumental in my decision to go for an extended wander.  I recommend his blog.  Always very inspirational and insightful.

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Fables and Fortune Hunters

An American businessman took a vacation to a small coastal Mexican village on doctor’s orders.  Unable to sleep after an urgent phone call from the office the first morning, he walked out to the pier to clear his head.  A small boat with just one fisherman had docked, and inside the boat were several large yellowfin tuna.  The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish.

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7 Appalachian Trail Facts You Probably Don’t Know (But Should)

Appalachian Trail Facts

The title for today’s post is derived from the things that I’ve learned during my preparation (H) for the Appalachian Trail.  It’s very possible you already knew all seven of these facts.  I just didn’t think, “7 things you already knew” was as grabby.

I know present to you:

7 Appalachian Trail Facts You Probably Don’t Know (but should)

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That Pre-College Feeling

that pre college feeling

If your pre-college experience was anything like mine, then the following trip down memory lane might feel so real as to get you car sick…This post is brought to you by Pepto Bismol.  Pepto Bismol, preventing mind diarrhea since 1935

It was August 2004, the last month of my life as a “high school student.”  Although it was the summer, until you step foot onto a college campus, you’re a high school student.  There’s no other way to interpret it.  You live in your high school town.  You hang out with your high school friends.  You do high school things (if in the Midwest, perhaps in corn fields).

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